Aha! 12,495 page hits yesterday!

Not really. My record for one day is still 83, with an average of 18 over the three weeks since I began moving this stuff over from the old place. Any of you who do find your way here, feel free to comment on something. Even if its (reasonably) argumentative.

The ultimate fate of Charlie Sheen

I don’t give a damn about Charlie Sheen. For all I care, he can drop in on Chuck Manson at Corcoran and commiserate about the effects of lost influence—Manson will ratchet his glinting shrike’s eye over Sheen’s adam’s apple and wish for a pair of pinking shears. Charlie Sheen can  stare at timorous apprentice chefs through night vision goggles as they prepare organic thimerosal-free potato pancakes for Jenny McCarthy. Jenny ought to be locked up in a deep cover North Korean maggot-gruel joint, not some soft Martha Stewart resort like the one Gibbs calls “Camp Cupcake.” Charlie can paddle a dinghy out past the 200 mile limit and cast his powder keg mindscape along the herring gull’s path and peer intently at the anemic krill below. He can enter a convenience store with a note and leave on a stretcher after an elderly woman decides she’s had enough self-infatuated putty-minded tough-guy-with-the-ladies stupidity for one day. Those purses are loaded with Eisenhower dollars.


Charlie can enhance his home rehab with sandpaper self-abuse, he can form a Dixie Mafia wannabe club with Gibson and Busey, he might kidnap mini schnauzers and lose money on the Cowboys-Vikings game and maybe go up against George Kennedy and stick his head up after getting fooled by a bad turkey imitation. Or he can have Don Meredith smear peanut butter on his license and eat it. I don’t care what the hell he does, as long as I don’t have to see his smarmy ass (or face) on a news update in the middle of a TV show I'm enjoying. Fade away, Charlie. Become as insensate as you are insensitive to the rights of others. Either that, or grow a pair and demonstrate a conscience. Eleven Mary Six, call the station.
  
                                    

© Pseudocognitive

Fan violence: Out of control hedonism and the frivolous use of oxygen

This isn't a thoughtful commentary or a well constructed essay. This is a disorganized spew of disgust haphazardly composed under a fog of caffeine-deficiency, and not a very coherent one at that. 


What the HELL is it going to take until NFL and MLB owners wake up and decide to start valuing decent fans over the worthless, waste-of-oxygen scumbags who seem to increasingly control the fan culture in stadiums, parking lots, and the immediate vicinity? I am as imbued with tradition as the next guy, and I do like a beer now and then, but until these money-grubbing owners decide that the safety of true fans and their families is more important than catering to drunken, shit-for-brains thugs, this will continue to escalate. Until they spend a little more on security and a little less on the contracts of multimillion dollar prima donna players, there will be more Bryan Stows lying in comas, more beat-downs in stadium bathrooms, and more brawls in parking lots documented by chanting idiots with cell phone cameras.


These issues have existed for decades, but they are exacerbated now by a societal celebration of immaturity and self-pleasure and by a legal system that seems at times to go out of its way to target and punish people who act in self defense. Whereas California's Penal Code specifies a more reasonable standard for defining self defense than some states (there is no legally mandated "duty to retreat" here), in practical applications, if you severely hurt or kill someone who presented a lethal threat to you or your family, you'll be confronted by a pretty high hurdle to jump in order to prove you were justified. And spare me the "presumed innocent, burden of proof on the prosecution" stuff. It sounds good, but vote-hungry, political wind-sniffer DA's have a way of doing what's expedient. Sure, such a situation can definitely threaten your life, but your response may come down to what you fear more: the effects on your family of your death or of your incarceration. Having a decent life insurance policy may tip the scales.


The latest violence at Candlestick Park isn't going to change my behavior; I have no time for attending games anyway. I'll continue to do what I've always done--take every possible step to avoid potential problems. I won't hesitate to defend my family and myself should that become necessary. In other words, I won't go looking for trouble. I'll behave in a civilized manner.  

Civilized...remember that?

© Pseudocognitive

BLOGGING UNDER THE INFLUENCE. Jenny McCarthy's insanity. I said Jumanji!

I haven’t had distilled alcohol since 1986.  This Old No. 7 is good stuff.  One cup is enough.
(Slightly edited 9 February 2014.)
Lots of people, lots of blogs. Here’s where to get a good burrito.  There’s a place to avoid in the event of a tsunami.  I’ll show you how to promote your business and make money from domain names named after 14th Century philosophers and 70′s porn stars.  Grow your mustache and lead the invasion of Normandy as you wound your heart with a monotonous languor. Sell your house this way. Flip your house that way and join the ranks of the rich bastards. Drink these berries from the foothills of the Himalayas.  Feel like an activist by following me on Twitter while twirling with Mylar-festooned ears in the moonlit streets on a quiet night in Mill Valley.  Beware of cell phone antennae–they might fry your ‘nads in the event of seismic activity. I’m a guerrilla marketer, pay for my drink. Lock up vandals. Graffiti artists are not vandals. Yes they are. No they aren’t. Ban guns! Guns for tots! Liberty is just another word for nothin' left to lose. Ron Paul Rand Paul Ted Cruz! We're the Good Guys With Guns! We're the Good, Caring Humans With No Guns! Petaluma is a great place–visit my pro-Petaluma blog.  Petaluma is a festering sore on the ass end of a syphilitic chicken.  Petaluma Poultry sells only free range organic chickens and is exempt from all negative Petaluma characterizations.  Rocky the Range Chicken is a healthy source of animal protein.  Republicans are bad.  Democrats are bad.  Democrats are good.  Republicans–pass the beer nuts.  Watch the cops–videotape ‘em when they violate your 4th Amendment rights.  Support the cops and give them your cell phone cameras. Stop whining about law enforcement officers and just quit being an asshole! Take back our streets from the criminals and gang members.  Gangs only exist because children need love. Lock up the gangsters.  Free the children.  Learn martial arts by watching this DVD and reading my blog.  I reviewed a book.  I read a book.  I wrote a book.  Read my Star Trek fan fiction.  I want to be an extra on Sons of Anarchy.  I have a story-line idea for Sons of Anarchy.  Sons of Anarchy is a TV show–it’s not real.  It is too real; I saw them in Temecula.  Rio Vista!  This movie sucks.  This movie is the best movie of the year.  Don’t contaminate our drinking water with fluoridation.  Autism is caused by vaccines and Jenny McCarthy is a powerful creature capable of shooting flaming napalm from her nipples at the eyes of people who dare to speak up against what she knows to be true because after all, post hoc, ergo propter hoc.  Lock up aggressive panhandlers.  Lock up Jenny McCarthy.  Lock up scientifically illiterate parents who endanger their kids and everyone else's by refusing to vaccinate based on their own voluntary ignorance. The Book of Eli is propaganda of the religious right, and I for one am surprised that Denzel Washington agreed to star in it. The Book of Eli is a cautionary tale about the dangers of pseudo-digitizing complex analog phenomena and actually has very little to do with religion.  Aw, you’re both full o’ crap.  Protect the panhandling community from aggressive cops on steroids. Tase the violent, freeloading panhandlers into submission! War is not healthy for panhandlers and other living things! I'll hit you with this cast iron pan if you try to pry my mobile device from my cold, dead fingers! Get US outta the U.N.  Frank Burns eats worms.  One nation . . . way messed up.  The best nation on Earth.  One nation under God.  One nation NOT under god.  One nation founded on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  One nation founded on genocide and slavery.  Hot dogs will kill you. It’s possible to make a fertilizer bomb using sausage casings.  Just kidding. NSA, please disregard. The British Navy stopped issuing rum and I blame Jenny McCarthy. The British Navy will kill you. Don't let the British navy kill you. I got sixteen hits on one of my blog posts today.  Fourteen of ‘em were from bots.

Cold fish, midnight sky
Pulls the stars across his gills
The moon in his eye

Jumanji, you rifle wielding wanker!  I said JUMANJI !




Bleary-eyed morning-after edit: Just so we’re clear, Jenny McCarthy should be billed for the medical expenses of every child who contracts pertussis.  Since there’ve been some some fatalities that wouldn’t have occurred if not for her exploitation of the disturbingly widespread scientific illiteracy of the American public, she really ought to be incarcerated as well.  Since no legal means exist to further that end, I guess I’ll just have to hope that one day she becomes smarter than a 5th grader.
                                 

Post and photo © Pseudocognitive All rights reserved, forever.